To sum it up: I needed some time for some TLC.
My last post was in November, which was the time my 5.5 year relationship started to fall apart, even though I didn’t realize it until January.
The first 4 months of this year were rocky for me to say the least.
I was completely blindsided by the person I was in love with and was disrespected (for what seemed like) in every humanly possible way.
I know that I did a heartbreak video on my YouTube channel and briefly addressed it. I am not bringing this up again on the internet because I haven’t moved on…I couldn’t be more emotionally detached from my ex…but I still have scars that I am reminded of almost daily.
Post breakup, all I could focus on was breathing. I felt empty, betrayed, broken. I could only focus on literally one foot in front of the other. It was a struggle to say the least having to go to work and faking a smile for eight hours straight, but I had to. I focused any energy I had left on my nighttime routine, because if I couldn’t fall asleep, my anxiety went through the roof. Falling asleep was the hardest part. I would doze off and relive my month of hell over and over and over again, cry myself to sleep, sometimes not even sleeping and if I didn’t sleep, work was 1000x harder the next day. I focused on food and exercise. I got into the best shape I have ever been in and in March, I started to finally see glimpses of my hard work and finally felt proud of myself.
Fast forward 6 months and I am back. I have a new level of love and appreciation for myself and I am here to create and inspire more than I ever have.
I almost gave up. I almost didn’t renew my blog when I had the chance to, but I heard Lydia Elise Millen’s voice in my head saying how nice it is to have a platform (blog) that you don’t have to worry about an algorithm. So I kept it. I have learned that you cannot force creativity but when the time is right you will be 100% sure.
Thank you all for being patient and supporting me throughout my life. I have tons of ideas on things I want (need) to talk about on here but please comment down below if you want anything specific!